Can Purell be used as lube?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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