Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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