I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
