I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think my moral compass just broke
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