I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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