I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
