so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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