I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just googled if crying burns calories
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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