I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you made out with another girl for some wings
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
