Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
