i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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