There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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