Your mouth is God's brothel.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i love accidental penises.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
