Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
