So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
