At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
