actually, I'm a sock model
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I want to fling myself into the sun
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
