I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
