Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
