I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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