Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
