Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
