Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
im on a boat
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