i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
