Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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