drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
