Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
