I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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