Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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