I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
