R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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