During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
