The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
