Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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