I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
