Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
