Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
