Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
