I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
