that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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