Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
