he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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