I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
