i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
