i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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