Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
