Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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