i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
