OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
