I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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