Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
