that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
