sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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