I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
