Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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