How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it's great music for shaving your balls
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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