i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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