Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can't trust your balls anymore.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
