Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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