I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
