Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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