so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
