Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
