You made eat vitamins until I threw up
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
