walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
