Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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