Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
