Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
