WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i will never coherently bang her
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
