I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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