I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize