We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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