I wish I could punch you in the face.
im holly from the hills drunk
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
