As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize