After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
