So drunk its hurt
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
