How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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